As a woman, I feel like we are expected to strive for flat stomachs, thigh gaps, and a sleek physique. I have always hated my love handles and “muffin top”, something that I have struggled with my entire life. I have always felt like I jiggled a little too much in too many places, and yearned for that flat stomach. I thought that eating less food, and taking up jogging/running was the answer. But my problem was, I thought that was the only answer. And I thought that this was the only body that was “acceptable” and that this is what I should be striving for. So when I would try running, and hated it, I felt doomed to ever feel good about myself, because no matter what routine, style, etc. that I tried, I hated it. I didn’t realize that there are many types of people and many types of bodies. I also have Hashimoto’s Disease. I have been living with it for over a decade, and although it presents challenges, I don’t want to use it as a crutch.
I have been feeling displeased with my body, and one day, out of the blue, thought “well, what if I don’t want a six pack?!”. And I got to thinking…….What if I don’t want a perfectly sculpted body? What if I don’t mind if my thighs touch, or my stomach jiggles a little? What if I don’t want to be a runner?! Now, I am not suggesting unhealthy lifestyles, but rather, the expectations I had been carrying around for myself were unrealistic, and not very well thought out. I didn’t ever truly think about what I ACTUALLY wanted for myself, I just thought about what I felt I SHOULD be wanting. I just assumed that is what I should look like, and being a runner with razor abs is what I should be striving for. It was like a switch flipped in my brain. After some reflecting and long conversations with the Artist, my goals and aspirations became more clear….
I want to…
- exercise regularly doing a variety of activities, and lift even heavier weights then I already do
- improve my yoga practice
- get a minimum of 8 hours of quality sleep every night, 9 is actually my preferred amount for me to feel well rested
- eat a clean, whole foods diet
I DO NOT want to…
- rely on meal replacements or other “diet” products
- be a runner/jogger, because that is not me or where my interests are, nor do I not enjoy it…kudos to all you runners out there! Doing what you love is the most important thing!
- wake up at 4am every morning to work out
- want to work out in my living room (I know this works well for others, and that is awesome, but this is not for me. My living room is my special relaxing space, where I read, listen to music and spend time with my Artist, and I do not want it associated with working out.)
I want to aim to incorporate exercise and fitness into my life, and NOT the reverse- trying to fit some “life” into my exercise schedule. But mainly, I want to feel healthy, energetic, and most importantly: STRONG. As I said above, there are different types of people and different types of bodies- we are all different! And if we are all different we should have a variety of goals, and I should not be comparing myself or my goals to others. I consider myself as “thick” and “dense”, and for the first time, I am perfectly ok with that.
The Artist and I are 2 months into our new workout routine. To simplify, our routine goes as follows: lift often (3 times a week for us), and left heavy. That is all (with the occasional walk or bike ride thrown in there). When I started dabbling in weight lifting about 3 years ago, I didn’t really know what I doing, and I was more experimenting to find what kinds of exercise I enjoyed. I wasn’t really lifting anything heavy, I wast just trying to figure myself out. I thought it would be pretty cool, if one day, I could put 25lb plates on the squat bar (95lbs total) and do all of my sets that way. This was my “dream goal” that I 100% thought I might never actually achieve.
Here I am, 2 months into our “lift often, and lift heavy” regimen, squatting 25lb and 10lb weights on the bar, for a total of 115lbs, above and beyond what I thought I might never be able to do!
And I also wanted to share a video of me doing deadlifts. My “dream goal” on this was 45lb plates on the bar (135lbs total), and again, I 100% thought I would NEVER be able to do this. I could barely do a 40lb barbell 2 months ago, so I am really proud of myself on this one :)
When watching these videos and viewing these photos of myself, I was kind of disappointed at first. I don’t look nearly as strong or good as I feel, but then I realized that is the most important thing right?- how I FEEL! So although I am still working on changes and improvements, and as I feel discouraged when things aren’t happening “fast enough”, I just remember that me going to the gym, or taking that bike ride, or going on that walk, is better then me sitting on the couch. Everyone knows that famous quote, that every journey starts with a single step, and it is very true. I am just trying to make healthy choices for myself, one day at a time.