I consider myself to be reasonably healthy and fit. I consider myself one who works out fairly often. I consider myself as being reasonably strong. I ride my bicycle to and from each workout. I enjoy challenging exercises and pushing myself hard. I enjoy that “high” after a good workout.
This however, was so out of league. Did I miss the memo that this cardio class is for hard core athletes only? What you are about to read is the honest truth of my experience.
I have been to lots of cardio classes, zumba, kickboxing, and general cardio that involved aerobics, steps, etc. and enjoy them all. I started out in pretty rough shape, but I have improved a lot since. I needed some cardio, so I tried this new class being offered right before the yoga class I normally go to. these classes are drop-in style. Only 6 of us were at the class, and the other 5 girls were insanely fit, muscular, and had been involved in athletics at least in high school (not sure if they are still doing it now in university or not).
As most of you know, I have been struggling in the intense heat that has been in St. Louis all summer. So the first sign that this class may not be for me was that we were starting outside. It was a sunny, hot day. Yes, the crazy hot days are getting less and less frequent, but this day was quite warm and the sun was blazing. No one grabbed water bottles or anything, and since I was new, I followed suit. So we started running around this little path of sidewalk at the campus (I workout on the campus where the Artist goes to school). I definitely should have brought my sunglasses out. And my water. And a towel. I kept up with group for the first lap, and we had to go again. Then backwards. Then backwards again. Try running backwards with my crazy flat arches and feet that don’t bend properly, and you get shin splints. I get shin splints often because of this, but running backwards does it in about 2 minutes. And yes, there were ledges to the sidewalk and I tripped. I didn’t wipe out though, phew. Eventually I had to take walking breaks, I am not a runner, I don’t know how to run properly, I look insane when I run, and I just overall suck at it, along with having no interest in it. So everyone laps me, and finishes, and starts doing walking lunges around this little loop. Again, I am last. And so far behind the rest they are all waiting for me at the end. So girls, if you by chance stumble upon this- I swear, I was trying my very best to keep up!
Then we go inside. FInally, air conditioning and some fans. My water bottle, and a towel to wipe my sweaty, bright red face. When I hear that that was the warm up, I think my eyes widened quite noticeably. We did burpies, planks, lunges with weights, jumping lunges, side lunges with weights, squats, sit ups with a partner passing a pilates ball, and lots more that I can’t remember. My lungs were burning for air, I couldn’t ever seem to catch a minute to catch my breath, no matter how much water I drank I felt like my throat was so dry it was going to crack. Finally, a 2 minute break. Time for water, yay! And I find my towel because I am soaked in sweat.
Back outside. Oh gosh. Running. Again. Then we did Indian running where you jog in single file and the person at the back sprints to the front. When we were told to do another lap, I couldn’t. I had to stop. It was either be embarrassed and stop, or faint. Even then I couldn’t catch my breathe before we were back inside doing all the same lovely things. I had to modify some of the moves to fit my abilities and needs. Obviously I was the only one to do this.
Crap, I ran out of water. Ugh, and I need a new towel, this one is saturated. Good thing they had a fresh stack.
As we put our weights and balls away I could feel my muscles quivering. As I put the equipment on the shelf, not only could I feel my muscles quivering, I could see them. My arms were shaking as I placed the ball on the shelf. I couldn’t make it to the floor to sit down for yoga, which was right after, and found myself “plopping” down on my mat. Thankfully, this yoga class is a regular I have been going to, and there was no way I could ride my bike home at this point, and at least the deep stretching this particular class offers might help my muscles.
I needed a bathroom break from all the water I drank. As I got up, there was a perfect butt imprint formed by sweat on my mat. You could even see the creases from my pants. Good thing they were black. As I went into the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Ew. There are not enough words to describe my sweaty, red, face. You know when you are swimming, and hop out to use the bathroom, that feeling of pulling your bottoms down and then back up again? All wet and yucky? That is what it felt like. That is how much I was sweating. How could one even produce that much liquid? While sitting on the toilet, I noticed sweat running down my shins. Yes, my shins. As I was washing my hands, I noticed in the mirror the huge rings of sweat around my armpits, and on my back. The collar of my t-shirt was drenched.
I headed back to my yoga mat, and realized I had to take my shoes off. Uh-oh. My feet probably smell really bad. So I leave my socks on for a bit so I can cool off and stop sweating a little first. Someone asked me if I worked out before the yoga class. Ha. What gave it away? I am surprised there weren’t crunchy white salt stains on my clothes. So I responded by saying yes, I did the class before yoga, and that if anyone smells something strange, it because I have been pouring with sweat for the last hour, and I apologize. Looking back, I was in a state of delirium. Especially based on what happens next.
This yoga class focuses on deep stretches and lots of floor poses. I have been going regularly for awhile now. But my muscles are so weak and tired and shaky, I was having trouble holding the poses for a long time, and was toppling over often. Then the giggles started, and for no particular reason. Probably because I was also getting hungry for dinner. It wasn’t long before my stomach was rumbling too. My giggling was getting out of control, and others started giggling too. I am going to pretend they were giggling with me, and not at me, haha. Luckily, the teacher likes to encourage us to smile and laugh his jokes while practising, but also having a time and place for meditation and concentration. So at least he got a chuckle out it. Normally, I am not so disruptive. But, when you try not to laugh, it makes it worse and you laugh harder. I had tears coming out of my eyes I was so out of control delirious. At this point, delirious from the previous class, but now from hunger too.
I come home and flop down on the bed. Exhaustion hits even harder. Taking a shower is a necessity, but feels like too much work at this point. And remember I had to ride my bike home. After I eat and shower, you would think I went straight to sleep. But I winded down with watch DVDs of Arrested Development and calling my mom. I told my mom this story and she is like, “what if you were filmed and put on the internet?”….no, they would need our permission first. And she says, “no like someone walking, like a pedestrian, used their phone when you were outside and filmed the crazy girl lagging behind the group, and they put it on YouTube?”
Oh crap. I feel like that is a realistic possibility. The Artist said the based on my recap, I will end up on the Ellen Show if someone posted it on YouTube. Ha.
Then I proceeded to watch Arrested Development and after we turned the TV off, I got the giggles again. The Artist and I laid in bed quoting Buster and giggling until like 2am. And I had to get up early.
And the worst part is, like I said at the beginning, I consider myself a reasonably fit, strong person.
The next morning, my quads were so sore, I could hardly walk. And I had to get up early, and my day went several hours longer then it was scheduled to. And since I normally don’t bring a lunch because I get home around lunch time, I was famished. What a day.
But oh well. That class, was definitely not for me.
I feel like I am prone to awkward, embarrassing, crazy situations.
Lets see what today brings! 😉